Where are you?
In a non slutty way
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
