the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
