ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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