It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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