two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
