this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just blew my weed a kiss
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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