Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
