he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
