I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
