I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have post one night stand depression
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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