I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
