I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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