I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
