Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
