Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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