Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
