while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
