we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
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i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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