I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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