I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
