Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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