I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
