i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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