my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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