His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
FUCK WHALES
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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