turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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