the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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