it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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