I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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