i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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