A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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