dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
