I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
