I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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