Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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