Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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