legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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