No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
