it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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