my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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