Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
