If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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