Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
