dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
