rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
