so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
