Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
