My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
