Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
