Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
