dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
