Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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