so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
