I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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