Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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