i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
