My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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