How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
