The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
