how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
