On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
