So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
