cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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