Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
