I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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