youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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