I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
