just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This baby is an asshole
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
