come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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