the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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