You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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