Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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