Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
